We're like a lot better than the average bears
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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