I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
