He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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