i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
