I'm jealous of your bromance
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
