i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
