i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
