I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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