and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
