his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
