So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Those nachos came to me in a dream
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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