I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
