im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
