Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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