Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
