I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
