my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
