Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
