Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
