my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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