he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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