shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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