I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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