Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
