i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
