can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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