it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
