We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
