In the future we'll all be gay
I am in a vortex of obligation.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
