I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
