We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
