You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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