WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
