it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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