Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You have to summon your inner elephant
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
ok first of all what the fuck
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
