I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
