Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
