hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
