I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
