I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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