My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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