I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
