i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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