Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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