Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
pray to the hookup gods
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Randomize
