Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
