It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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