Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
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