there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
