we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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