I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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