You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
