dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Someone came in the potted fern
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
