For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
