Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
