what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize