He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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