he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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