Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
