how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
