Swine flu. Run for my life!
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
