My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
