I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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