He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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